Why Divorce is not a legal problem

We believe that divorce does not belong in the court system.  If I had to hire a lawyer every time I had an argument with a brother or daughter or other relative, no matter how outrageously wrong that brother (or daughter or parent) was, I would not have a family.  I might think I’m right and might be able to prove my point, but I would spend a lot of money on something better handled face-to-face.  While the rest of the family would be left wondering why I couldn’t just work it out. In matters of divorce, the same reasoning applies. Divorce can be handled without hiring a lawyer for everything two people disagree about - and we believe there’s a better way.

Does divorce belong in litigation?

Some people say, “But you need guidance about what is fair and the courts and the lawyers know what the law has said is fair.”  WRONG! As long-time mediator and attorney Leonard Marlow says: 

“If the law is so fair, why is it different across each state line?”

Indeed, if the law is truly an instrument of justice and fairness, why is it that Texas will say to a wife, “Sorry, the most spousal support you could ever get in this state is $2,500 per month and then only for three years.” Yet, in Minnesota, there is no cap on spousal support and in longer marriages, courts may award permanent spousal support.

Focusing on your kids

Let’s talk about kids: Every parent’s main concern is “How will this affect my children?” But, if you and your partner or spouse have children and decide to live apart, you may be told by an attorney that it is to your advantage to “get custody.”  In some cases, this attitude will start a battle that could last years. 

Here’s why: In most states, the person with “custody” (or with more time) gets more child support from the “non-custodial” (less-time) parent.  Of course, this approach basically labels one parent as inadequate and leaves that “losing parent” with less money to spend on the children.  Wouldn’t you expect most people to fight to the bitter end to avoid being labeled a “non-custodial, non-residential, non-primary, less-time visitor?”

Why Mediation Works

At Erickson Mediation, our trained mediators help parents like you move away from the winner-take-all and loser-loses that goes on in the legal system by giving parents guidance on what is worth fighting about. Rather than fighting against each other, we ask, “What are the future parenting arrangements you can agree on so that each of you can continue to be fully involved parents?”  Keep the term custody for use with people at in prison and use the word visitation at the funeral home, not in connection with your divorce. 

Divorce is painful. Don’t make it worse by thinking it is a legal problem, therefore hiring a gladiator attorney and entering the arena of combat.  After all, people get divorced to make things better (for themselves and for their children), not worse.

Divorce is a family problem.  It may create some legal issues (like how you’ll get your name off the mortgage if the other is keeping the house, or deciding who will claim the children as exemptions on income tax returns), but in the end, these types of problems are better handled in the mediation room where people attack problems, not each other.

We’re here to help you make things better, not worse. If you have a question about how mediation makes things better, simply call us with your questions, and we’re happy to help.